Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of “eat, work, sleep, repeat,” and no matter how hard you try, something just feels… missing?
You’re not alone. You don’t have to go through life feeling unfulfilled, even if you’re doing everything you’re “supposed” to.
By understanding what’s been holding you back, you can take the first steps toward a truly fulfilling life.
Why You Might Feel Unfulfilled
One key reason you might feel stuck comes down to how your brain works. The good news? You can rewire it to work in your favor.
Have you noticed how easy it is to chase quick wins – social media likes, binge-watching TV, or refreshing your email for a burst of excitement? These moments feel good for a second, but they don’t last. Why? It all comes down to dopamine.
Dopamine is the brain’s feel-good chemical, designed to reward the pursuit of pleasure, not the pleasure itself. It’s like empty calories – it gives you a momentary high but never truly satisfies you. You keep chasing the next hit, but lasting fulfillment stays out of reach.
The Role of Serotonin
The good news is that there’s another chemical that provides real fulfillment: serotonin. Often called the “happiness chemical,” serotonin is linked to contentment, confidence, and well-being – not the fleeting rush of dopamine.
You can boost serotonin today by:
- Expressing gratitude through journaling or saying thank you.
- Getting sunlight (or taking vitamin D if you live somewhere gloomy).
- Building strong relationships and meaningful connections.
These steps provide an immediate lift, but they don’t necessarily address the root cause of unfulfillment. For that, we need to look at the bigger picture.
Understanding Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
If dopamine pulls us into short-term pursuits, real fulfillment comes from climbing higher on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – a model of human motivation that moves from basic survival to self-actualization.
- Physiological needs: Food, water, shelter.
- Safety needs: Security and stability.
- Love and belonging: Relationships and connection.
- Esteem: Confidence and respect.
- Self-actualization: Growth, creativity, and living in alignment with your true potential.
Many people get stuck chasing lower-level needs or external markers of success -money, status, approval – believing they’ll lead to happiness. But according to Maslow, true fulfillment comes from purpose and continuous growth.
The Three Pillars of Lasting Fulfillment
Self-Determination Theory, developed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, identifies three core psychological needs for fulfillment:
- Autonomy: Feeling in control of your life.
- Competence: Mastery and skill development.
- Relatedness: Meaningful connections with others.
Think about a time when you felt stuck – maybe in a job where every move was micromanaged (lack of autonomy) or a hobby where you struggled to improve (lack of competence). If you’ve ever felt lonely or disconnected, you know how much relatedness matters.
Dan Pink’s book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (Amazon link) builds on this idea, swapping relatedness for purpose – the sense that what you do actually matters.
Self-Reflection Activity
Take a moment to assess your life:
- Do you feel free to make your own choices?
- Are you working on something that excites and challenges you?
- Are you connected to people who matter – or pursuing a purpose that lights you up?
If you answered no to any of these, don’t worry – you’re not alone. Recognizing what’s missing is the first step toward a more fulfilling life.
Write down small changes that could boost your autonomy, competence, or connection. These are the building blocks of lasting fulfillment – and they’re often closer than you think.
The Wheel of Life
To pinpoint where you feel unfulfilled, try using the Wheel of Life. This tool helps visualize different areas of life – health, career, relationships, personal growth, fun, and more – by rating each from 1 to 10.
Maybe your career is thriving but your health is struggling. Or your relationships are great, but you haven’t made time for hobbies. The Wheel of Life highlights imbalances so you can focus on meaningful changes.
There are many versions of this tool, I customized mine over the last 15 years – you can download mine here.
Defining Your Values
Values are the core beliefs that guide your decisions and actions. When your life aligns with your values, it feels fulfilling. When it doesn’t, you may feel lost or disconnected.
Think about what truly matters to you – family, freedom, growth, creativity? If you’re unsure, go to my Values Affirmation Activity. Narrow your list down from 20 to 10, then five, then your top three.
Once you’ve identified your core values, compare them to your Wheel of Life. Are you living in alignment with them?
The Legacy Exercise
This might sound morbid, but it’s powerful.
Imagine looking back on your life 30, 40, or 50 years from now.
What do you want people to say about you? What do you want your obituary to highlight?
This forces you to confront what truly matters – not just what feels urgent or expected. Write your own obituary:
“Emily Fable lived a life full of curiosity and creativity, always striving to help others find their true purpose and live authentically.“
You might notice that the things you prioritize now don’t align with what really matters to you. This exercise helps shift your focus to what will bring true fulfillment.
Aligning Your Life with What Matters
Now that you have a clearer picture of your values and long-term vision, ask yourself:
- Does my current life align with my true priorities?
- What small adjustments can I make to move closer to fulfillment?
Sometimes, this means big changes – like switching careers.
If you found this helpful, consider signing up for my newsletter, where I share evidence-based insights on building a fulfilling life.
Watch the full video on YouTube