Fear shows up when you’re about to do something important, like tell someone how you feel or take a risk or maybe start the project that could change your life.
Fear tells you you’re not ready, you’ll fail, you don’t know what you’re doing. And if you listen to your fear, then it wins.
It feels like your fear stops you just in that moment, but in reality, it holds your entire life back.
In this video, I’ll give you a sword, a shield, and a map. These are three science-backed strategies to help you stop fear from ruining your life and finally doing the things that matter to you.
Your Sword: Mindset Strategies to Fight Fear
How do you fight fear when it’s already making you feel scared and vulnerable? One way is to face it head-on with your sword. Your sword represents your mindset.
These aren’t just thoughts that sound brave; they’re the kind that actually cut through your fear, best scientifically proven to actually change how your brain responds.
I’ll show you three different fighting stances you can take to overcome your fear.
1. Redirection
The first is redirection. In a 2014 study from Harvard Business School, people were asked to perform anxiety-inducing tasks like public speaking and math tests. One group said to themselves, “I’m excited.” And the other group said, “I’m calm.”
The group that said, “I’m excited,” actually performed better because they didn’t try to suppress their fear and replace it with calmness. Instead, they redirected it and turned their energy from fear into a fuel.
Fear creates the same response as excitement: racing heart, sweating, and alertness.
Something I do when filming these videos is take a deep breath and tell myself, “Get excited!” in the style of Senku from the Dr. Stone anime. It redirects my performance anxiety into excitement, which energizes and relaxes me at the same time.
The next time that you’re feeling scared or anxious, shift your mindset to opportunity rather than threat by saying, “I’m excited.”
2. Growth
The second fighting stance is growth. In a classic study by Carol Dweck and her colleague Ellen Leggett, two sets of students were given increasingly difficult sets of puzzles, including some puzzles that they couldn’t actually solve. These puzzles were designed to trigger failure.
Fixed mindset
Some of the students had a fixed mindset; they believed their intelligence was just something that you’re born with, and when they hit the hard puzzles, they got frustrated, put less effort into the tasks, and their performance dropped.
They saw their failure as a personal fault and said things to themselves like, “I’m not smart enough. I can’t do this. I’ll never be able to do this.”
Growth mindset
But the other group believed they could improve through effort; they had a growth mindset. When they hit failure, they didn’t stop. They stayed engaged. They kept trying. They got curious. They treated their failure as a challenge to overcome, not proof that they’re not good enough.
Later studies used brain scans and showed that people with a growth mindset have more brain activity after they make a mistake because they’re processing it and learning from it.
So when your fear wants to turn every mistake into a judgment where you tell yourself you’re just not cut out for this, use a growth mindset to hit back at your fear and say, “No, you’re wrong. Now I know what to do better next time.”
3. Power
The third fighting stance is power.
As part of my first job after graduating, I used to facilitate workshops with leaders in huge corporations. The attendees were a lot older, experienced business people, and I was just a young graduate. I felt like I could feel them judging me before I’d even said a word.
I found these workshops really intimidating, so I needed to conquer my fear so it didn’t get in the way.
Fortunately, I learned a science-based strategy that only takes 2 minutes to stop fear in its tracks, and I used it before leading every workshop.
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy discovered that when you’re hunched and small and you feel tense, your body sends signals to your brain that says, “I’m under threat. I’m not safe.”
But when you stand tall with your arms open, your hands on your hips, your hormones actually change how you feel. These power poses:
- lower your cortisol levels (which is your stress hormone)
- increase your testosterone (which is linked to assertiveness)
- stabilize your heart rate variability (which is your ability to stay balanced under pressure).
I use these power poses to feel braver even before I believed I actually was.
This is why you see athletes adopt a wide stance before a match and why performers breathe deep and roll their shoulders back before they step onto a stage.
So the next time you’re staring fear in the face, don’t just think brave – stand brave.
Your Shield: Exposure and connection
Now you’ve got your sword at the ready, but in battle, even the strongest sword can’t block every hit. That’s where your shield comes in.
Exposure
One of the most powerful shields we have is exposure. It’s one of the most evidence-based treatments in psychology for anxiety and phobias.
Let’s say you’re terrified of public speaking but you really want to get better at it. Instead of diving in at the deep end and joining Toastmasters or signing up to do a TEDx talk:
- start by saying just one sentence in a meeting
- Then maybe leave your friend a voice memo rather than a text message.
- Then maybe you could film a short video on your phone and post it to your Instagram story.
When you intentionally face what you’re afraid of in low-stakes ways, your brain learns it isn’t as dangerous as you first thought.
Every time you do this, your nervous system desensitizes, so you have less fear the next time you do it, and even less the time after that. It’s called habituation, and it’s backed by decades of research.
Connection
But let’s be honest, even the smallest step towards something that scares you can feel massive when you’re alone.
Fear hits the hardest when it isolates you, when all you can hear is your own fearful thoughts: how you’re going to mess it up, how you’re not good enough. Which is why one of the strongest shields you can have is connection.
To defeat fear, you can call someone, text your friend, tell someone, “Hey, I’m scared but I’m going to do this anyway.”
Admitting you’re scared isn’t a weakness; you’re tapping into neuroscience to make you stronger.
When you connect with someone you trust, your brain releases oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone. Oxytocin doesn’t just make you feel warm and fuzzy; it actually reduces cortisol so your body literally becomes less reactive to any fears.
Studies show that people who feel socially connected have better stress resilience and are more likely to take healthy risks and even heal faster from emotional wounds.
The good news is, you don’t need a massive social army; you just need one person in your corner.
So before you take your next scary leap, send a message to someone who believes in you.
Your Map: Finding Your Why
The final tool in your fight against fear is the most powerful of them all.
When the direction isn’t clear, it’s easy to believe what your fear is telling you: maybe this isn’t worth it, maybe you’re not ready, maybe you should turn back.
What you need now isn’t more courage; you actually just need clarity. Because when you know what you’re fighting for, your why can fight your fear.
So let’s get clear on what this is and help you find your map.
Now, your map isn’t made of directions; it’s made of values and principles.
You’re not just doing something hard; you’re doing something that matters, and that difference is everything.
Studies show that people who are deeply connected to a sense of purpose are less likely to give up, even when they’re anxious, uncertain, or even exhausted.
It brings to mind this quote:
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Susan Jeffers
This is called psychological flexibility – the ability to feel all that fear and discomfort and still go ahead.
I’m an introvert, so making videos for the world to see is not exactly comfortable for me, but if a video helps even one person, it motivates me to make it even with all of my fear.
The map doesn’t necessarily make your path easy, but it does make it worth it.
Activity: Find Your Why
Step 1
Think of the fear you’re facing right now. It might be posting something online, starting a side hustle, maybe having a difficult conversation.
Step 2
Ask yourself, “If I weren’t afraid, what would I do?”
And let the answer come up, and don’t judge it.
Step 3
Ask yourself, “Why does this matter to me?”
Not why it’s impressive to other people or why it’s productive, but why it matters to you.
It might be growth, it might be integrity, connection, creativity – whatever it is, your fear is pointing you towards something important.
Step 4
Finally, complete this sentence:
“This fear stands between me and _______ , and I care more about that than being comfortable.”
And take a second to really think about it.
Write it down somewhere and say it aloud to yourself. That’s your map.
When your reason is clear, your fear becomes part of the path, not the thing that blocks it.
But even with this knowledge, if you still feel scared of doing the wrong thing, that’s not just fear; that’s indecision.
To finally get clarity on a big life decision, read this full guide here.
Books
📖 Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers (Amazon affiliate link)
References
🗡️ SWORD: MINDSET STRATEGIES
1. Redirection — “I’m excited” strategy
- Study: Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement.
Source: Journal of Experimental Psychology: General.
✅ People who reappraised anxiety as excitement (by saying “I’m excited”) performed better in public speaking and math tests than those who said “I’m calm.”
2. Growth Mindset
- Study: Dweck, C. S., & Leggett, E. L. (1988). A social-cognitive approach to motivation and personality.
Source: Psychological Review.
✅ Introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset and demonstrated how beliefs about intelligence affect motivation and behavior after failure. - Follow-up neuro studies:
- Study: Moser, J. S., Schroder, H. S., Heeter, C., Moran, T. P., & Lee, Y.-H. (2011). Mind Your Errors: Evidence for a Neural Mechanism Linking Growth Mind-Set to Adaptive Posterror Adjustments.
Source: Psychological Science.
✅ Found that people with a growth mindset show stronger brain activity after making errors (Error-Related Negativity), suggesting they are learning from mistakes.
- Study: Moser, J. S., Schroder, H. S., Heeter, C., Moran, T. P., & Lee, Y.-H. (2011). Mind Your Errors: Evidence for a Neural Mechanism Linking Growth Mind-Set to Adaptive Posterror Adjustments.
3. Power Poses
- Study: Cuddy, A. J. C., Wilmuth, C. A., & Carney, D. R. (2012). The Benefit of Power Posing Before a High-Stakes Social Evaluation.
Source: Harvard Business School Working Paper.
✅ Power poses were claimed to lower cortisol, raise testosterone, and improve performance under stress.
⚠️ Note: This study has been heavily debated. A 2017 meta-analysis found mixed results, especially on hormone changes, though posture still has effects on subjective feelings of power and presence.
🛡️ SHIELD: EXPOSURE & CONNECTION
4. Exposure Therapy
- Foundational work: Marks, I. M. (1975). Behavioral Psychotherapy.
- Review: Craske, M. G., et al. (2008). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach.
Source: Behaviour Research and Therapy.
✅ Exposure therapy helps people confront fears gradually, leading to habituation and desensitization of the fear response over time.
5. Connection & Oxytocin
- Study: Heinrichs, M., Baumgartner, T., Kirschbaum, C., & Ehlert, U. (2003). Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial stress.
Source: Biological Psychiatry.
✅ Oxytocin reduces cortisol (the stress hormone) during social support, helping regulate stress and fear responses. - Additional support:
- Taylor, S. E. (2006). Tend and Befriend: Biobehavioral Bases of Affiliation Under Stress.
Source: Current Directions in Psychological Science.
✅ Shows how social bonds improve stress resilience and coping.
- Taylor, S. E. (2006). Tend and Befriend: Biobehavioral Bases of Affiliation Under Stress.
🗺️ MAP: PURPOSE AND VALUES
6. Purpose and Resilience
- Study: Steger, M. F., et al. (2006). The Meaning in Life Questionnaire: Assessing the presence of and search for meaning in life.
Source: Journal of Counseling Psychology.
✅ Finding purpose increases resilience and well-being. - Study: Kashdan, T. B., & McKnight, P. E. (2009). Origins of purpose in life: Refining our understanding of a life well lived.
Source: Psychological Topics.
✅ People with a sense of purpose persist through challenges more effectively and cope better with anxiety. - Concept: Psychological Flexibility
- Study: Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health.
Source: Clinical Psychology Review.
✅ The ability to tolerate discomfort in pursuit of meaningful goals leads to improved mental health outcomes.
- Study: Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health.