What if I told you that searching for your one true purpose might be the very thing stopping you from finding it?
If you’ve been feeling lost, stuck, or like you’re running out of time, this might change how you see everything.
For years, I was obsessed with finding my purpose. I read all the books, took all the personality tests, and switched careers multiple times – hoping I’d finally land on that one thing I was meant to do. But every time I thought I had it, the excitement faded, and I was back to square one.
I wasted over 17 years searching for purpose. Now, I want to share the 8 lessons I learned so you can find yours much faster.
1. Your purpose is not necessarily a job
“From the time we’re kids, we’re expected to answer that one question: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’”
Imagine a 10-year-old saying, “I want to be a kind person who helps my community.” That’s technically an answer, and a meaningful one. But most people would respond with, “No, but what will you do for a living?”
In capitalist societies, our worth is often tied to our jobs. So, it makes sense that many of us believe finding the perfect job will give us purpose and self-worth. But that’s a trap.
You can have a fulfilling career and be passionate about music and love spending time with your family and be into something totally random like… competitive pumpkin carving.
Your job is just one part of who you are.
Instead of asking, “What job will give me purpose?” ask,
“How can I create a life that feels meaningful?”
The Wheel of Life: Finding Purpose Beyond Work
One tool to explore purpose outside of work is the Wheel of Life. It divides life into categories like:
- Career
- Money
- Personal growth
- Health
- Relationships
Take a few minutes to think about how you could find a sense of purpose in each area.
I refined my version of the Wheel of Life over the last 15 years. You can grab your copy here.
2. There is no perfect path
A famous study by Columbia and Stanford psychologists tested a jam-tasting station in a grocery store. When 24 flavors were offered, more people stopped. But when it came to actually buying a jar? The smaller selection of six flavors won by a landslide.
This is called choice paralysis – and if we can’t even choose a jam, how do we expect to choose a life path?
A lot of people think they’re ‘keeping their options open’ by not making a choice. But in reality?
Doing nothing is still a choice.
And that choice has consequences. Every year you wait to ‘figure things out’ is a year you could’ve spent trying something.
The Solution: Start Before You’re Ready
Don’t try to find the perfect path before you start. Just pick something – anything – and move forward.
If you’re stuck in analysis paralysis, go watch my video on overcoming it.
3. The Arrival Fallacy: Why Purpose Is Always Changing
We’re taught to believe that we have one purpose, and if we find it, everything will fall into place. But what happens if you do find something that feels like your purpose… only to realize later that you need a new challenge?
Psychologists have found that people who see purpose as something they shape – rather than something they find – are actually happier.
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard psychologist, calls this the arrival fallacy – the mistaken belief that once we reach our goal, we’ll be happy forever. But purpose isn’t a destination. It’s an evolving process.
So instead of waiting for some grand, life-defining purpose to reveal itself, just start where you are. Follow what excites you now – and trust that your purpose will grow with you.
How to Find Clues to Your Purpose
If you feel like you have no interests, look at:
- Your bookshelf
- Your search history
- Your YouTube watch history
- The email newsletters you subscribe to (I have one, by the way!)
Follow your curiosity – without worrying about how to monetize it.
4. The Sunk Cost Fallacy: Why We Stay Stuck
Ever forced yourself to finish a bad book just because you were already halfway through? That’s the sunk cost fallacy – sticking with something not because it’s right for you, but because you’ve already invested time and energy into it.
I did this with my tabletop gaming website. I built it from scratch over four years and made a good living from it. But when I started feeling unfulfilled, I kept going – because I had already put so much time into it.
But here’s the thing: the time you’ve spent in a job or business isn’t wasted just because you move on. Every experience teaches you something. And staying in something just because you already started? That’s the real waste.
What are you sticking with right now that you know isn’t right for you?
5. Connecting the Dots in Hindsight
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”
Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs took a random calligraphy class in college, just because he was curious. At the time, it seemed useless. But years later? It influenced the design of the first Mac’s fonts. The dots connected – but only in hindsight.
Look at your own life timeline. What have you done at work and in your personal life? Renovating houses, training puppies, playing music – see if you can spot patterns. They’re clues to what might give you a sense of purpose.
6. The Role of Intuition in Finding Purpose
Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow (Amazon affiliate link) describes two types of thinking:
- System 1: Fast, intuitive, gut feeling.
- System 2: Slow, logical, overanalyzing.
Most of us rely too much on System 2 – thinking our way into the perfect decision. But that often leads to overthinking.
7. Try things
I wanted to start a personal development business 17 years ago, but I kept telling myself it was too competitive. If I’d just started back then, imagine where I’d be now!
What’s that project you’ve been putting off? Start it. Even if you just take one small step today.
8. Passion vs. Purpose
Finding something you enjoy is just the beginning.
You can be passionate about painting, writing, or coding – but when does it start to feel meaningful?
Research by Roy Baumeister and his team found that long-term life satisfaction requires two things:
- Hedonic well-being (pursuing pleasure)
- Eudaimonic well-being (pursuing meaning)
While both are important, eudaimonic well-being is more strongly linked to fulfillment.
Passion is about you – what excites you. Purpose is about how you connect with something bigger than yourself.
So, ask yourself:
What impact do you want to have on the world and others?
How can you work towards it?
Start there – and trust that your purpose will unfold along the way.
Watch the full video on YouTube