How do other people see you?

Sometimes we need a bit of outside help getting back in touch with who we are. You can use this activity to reach out to your network and get some input from people whose opinions you trust.

Identity Feedback Activity Overview

In this activity you contact people whose opinions you value and ask them a series of questions to get insights into their perceptions of who you are.

When would you use it?

You might be looking to get some feedback on your skills for a career change, for help reconnecting with your identity after leaving work, or when you’ve faced a major setback. You can adapt it to whatever you need it for.

I did this activity when trying to decide what to niche to start my first website in. But I was so burnt out at the time, I felt like I had no skills, talents or interests so I needed other people’s opinions!

And even though I had an entire wall of shelves full of board games – it hadn’t even crossed my mind to start a gaming website until everyone I spoke to said they associated me with board games!

Step 1 – The people

Write a list of the people you want to contact. Make sure they are people who know you fairly well and whose feedback you would value.

Think about the people you know:

• Close family
• Friends
• Colleagues at your current job
• Colleagues at previous jobs
• Mentors
• Coaches
• Hobby group members
• Internet friends
• People who don’t always agree with you

Aim for a mixture of people from different contexts for a well-rounded perspective.

Step 2 – How to contact them

You’re asking people to do you a favour with this activity, so respect their time and try to make it as easy for them as possible to help you.

Generally, people are more likely to respond where they are most active anyway. So if you normally message them via email, then do that. Otherwise use WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, LinkedIn whichever would feel the most natural for you to message them.

I asked close friends and family my questions as part of normal catch ups on the phone or when we met up.

Example message (after pleasantries!)

I was wondering if you could help me with something. It’ll only take 5 minutes. I’m doing a reflective activity to help me understand myself better and I’d really value your opinion.

Then either:

• Would it be ok if I send you 5 questions for you to answer honestly about me?
• Can we set up a quick call sometime this week or next? I’d love to catch up with you anyway!

Step 3 – The questions

The questions can be about anything you want and will depend on where you currently are and what you’re hoping to get from this activity. I’d suggest asking no more than 5. You don’t want this to be a huge task for anyone!

Because I was trying to understand who I was outside of work, I asked:

• What hobbies or interests do you associate with me?
• What do you think I’m good at?
• What do you think I would enjoy doing for work? 

Here are some other questions you might ask:

• If someone asked you to describe me in three words, what would they be?
• What do you think I do better than most people?
• Can you recall a time when you were especially impressed by something I did?
• What do you think makes me unique?
• Are there any hobbies or activities you think I would excel at but haven’t explored yet?
• How do you see me creating impact or making a difference?
• What do you think I’m most passionate about in life?
• How do I make you or others feel when we’re together?
• When you imagine my future, what do you see me doing?
• How do you think I could leave a positive mark on the world?
• Are there any habits or tendencies I have that you think hold me back?
• What advice would you give me about being the best version of myself?

You could do this activity in a few different ways using emails, texts, even a survey and ask more insightful questions.

Step 4- Answer yourself

Answer your questions yourself before you talk to anyone else and it alters your perspective.

It’s valuable to compare your own answers to those of your trusted network.

Step 5 – Collect the opinions

If your contacts reply with text via email or messages then you copy and paste them into a spreadsheet.

Having a chat over the phone? Then you can write them down silently in a notepad while chatting.

If you’re meeting in person, it could be a bit awkward taking notes on what they’re saying so maybe just jot them down in your phone right afterwards so you don’t forget!

Step 6 – Analyse

Ideally put all the answers into a table with names down one side and questions along the other so you can easily scan across all the answers and look for patterns.

Look for Patterns

Identify commonalities: Notice if certain traits, strengths, or interests are repeated by different people.

Spot unique insights: Pay attention to anything surprising or that only one person mentioned. These could be hidden qualities or new directions to explore.

Categorize feedback: Group feedback into themes:

• Personality traits (e.g. kind, creative, driven)
• Skills and strengths (e.g. problem-solving, leadership, musical ability)
• Career or life suggestions (e.g. “You’d be great at teaching!”)
• Areas for growth or improvement.

Analyze Context

Consider the source

• A parent might focus on your history and values.
• A colleague might emphasize your professional strengths.
• A friend might provide insight into your social or creative traits.

Weigh credibility

While all feedback is valuable, some opinions may carry more weight depending on how well they know you and the context they know you in.

Reflect on Surprises

What surprised you? Look for feedback that doesn’t align with how you see yourself.

Is it a blind spot? Does it reveal something new?

Does it feel inaccurate? It’s okay to dismiss feedback that doesn’t resonate after you’ve reflected on it.

What did you expect? Look back to what you answered for each question. How do your answers compare?

Prioritize Insights

Focus on strengths: Identify the strengths and skills that most resonate with you.

Consider areas for growth: See if the constructive feedback aligns with things you want to improve.

Align with goals: How do the insights connect to your goals?

Step 7 – Create a Self Profile

Create a summary with:

• Your top traits, strengths, and talents.
• Hobbies or activities that others associate with you.
• Work or life suggestions that align with your skills and interests.
• Areas where you can grow or try something new.

Step 8 – Take Action

Use the insights for self-improvement: If people mention your creativity, consider ways to integrate it into your work or hobbies.

Test their ideas: Experiment with suggested activities, roles, or changes to see what you connect with.

Share back: If it’s appropriate, let the people you asked know how their feedback helped you. It’s always great to hear if you’ve had a positive impact on someone’s life.