This week, we’ve been viewing houses and getting our house valued by multiple agents. With all the appointments, research, and cleaning, it’s taken time away from making the next video.
We’re tired from the background stress and thinking that big changes can cause. I’ve even been struggling to focus (despite it being one of my super powers!).
I keep telling myself that this investment of time now will pay dividends in the future. We’ll be living in a much cheaper (or mortgage free) place and have less pressure to earn so much money.
But I feel like I’m failing at my commitments to myself.
So I’ve been exploring the ways we can all make peace with letting things slide.
If you’re too busy to keep all your plates spinning at the moment, these techniques might help you too.
Acknowledge the guilt
What we’re feeling is guilt. Guilt from not keeping up with all our commitments. From letting people down. From falling short of our expectations for ourselves.
The guilt doesn’t come from not caring. It comes from caring so much and still not being able to do it all.
We don’t feel this way when we’re checked out. We feel it when we’re showing up, stretched thin, doing what we can, and still falling short.
That gap between our intentions and our capacity can feel like failure. But it’s not. It’s what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. The stress we feel when our actions don’t align with our values or self-image.
Self-criticism will only make you feel worse and drain your energy (which you need now more than ever!).
So acknowledge how you feel and why it’s happening so that you can move on.
Reframe the narrative
The stories will tell ourselves shape how we see the world.
Here are three ways to reframe how you’re looking at your current situation.
- “This isn’t failure. It’s triage.” You’re doing the most important things first. That’s not failure – it’s prioritization under pressure.
2. “You can’t measure commitment by output alone.” If life gives you too much at once, something has to give. That’s not lack of discipline or effort.
3. “Responsibility doesn’t mean perfection.” It’s easy to believe that being responsible means always showing up, always delivering, always keeping your promises – no matter what. But real responsibility isn’t about never dropping the ball. It’s about picking it back up when you can. It’s about caring enough to return to what matters, even if you’ve had to step away for a while.
Perfection says, “If I can’t do this flawlessly and on time, I’ve failed.”
Responsibility says, “This matters to me, so I’ll come back to it when I can.”
Be a fly on the wall
When you’re caught in the swirl of guilt and pressure, it helps to step outside yourself for a moment.
Imagine someone you care about, a friend, a colleague, or even a stranger, going through exactly what you are right now. Same stress, same commitments, same overwhelm.
Would you call them a failure? Or would you see someone doing their best under difficult circumstances?
Psychologists call this self-distancing. Viewing your situation from an outside perspective.
Research by Dr. Ethan Kross1, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, shows that talking to yourself in the third person or imagining your life as if you were advising someone else can reduce stress, regulate emotions, and boost resilience.
It creates just enough space between you and the moment to respond with clarity and compassion instead of self-judgment.
So try asking yourself:
“If I were watching someone else in my exact situation, would I still believe they were letting themselves down – or would I see someone trying their best?”
This tiny shift in perspective can be surprisingly powerful. Sometimes, the kindness we so easily give to others is exactly what we need to give ourselves.
I hope this email has given you a moment to breathe and reflect.
You’re doing great!
Emily xx
- Chapter Two – Self-Distancing: Theory, Research, and Current Directions. Ethan Kross. 2017. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0065260116300338 ↩︎