If you’ve recently left work – whether due to retirement, redundancy, or resignation – you might feel like you don’t know who you are anymore. It’s as if your role defined you.
But here’s the truth: You are not your job, your title, or your role.
Let’s explore why we tie our identities to our job roles, why changes in those roles shake our sense of self, and how to rediscover your identity, no matter what life stage or change you’re in.
Why We Feel a Loss of Identity After Leaving a Job
I felt this sense of identity loss most when I left the learning and development sector after working in it for 10 years. Burnout, stress, and an inner desire to do something else led me to close the agency I co-founded.
I thought I’d feel a sense of excitement and relief – and I did – but I also felt a huge loss.
Now that I wasn’t a business owner and a learning consultant – who was I? I’d lost my identity.
The Role of Work in Our Identity
Even as children, we’re asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” That word be shows how deeply society ties our identity to our job.
As adults, the question shifts to, “What do you do?” And while you could answer in many ways, most people are asking about your job.
Psychologists call this role centrality – the idea that certain roles define who we are. This applies not only to work but also to other roles, such as being a parent, student, or partner.
The more central a role is to your identity, the more it influences your sense of self-worth and purpose. If you strongly identify as a doctor or entrepreneur, for example, that role shapes your daily activities, how others perceive you, and even how you see yourself.
When that role changes or disappears, it can feel like a crisis. This is why redundancy, retirement, or career shifts can be so difficult. If you’re no longer performing that role, it can be hard to know who you are.
But there are ways to rediscover yourself. Let’s look at three activities to help you rebuild your sense of identity.
Activity 1: Identity Feedback
When I left my job, I realized I had spent years prioritizing work over hobbies. Without my job, I didn’t know who I was. Burnout had left me emotionally numb, so the advice to “find what excites you” was useless. Nothing excited me.
Instead, I needed a different approach. I asked friends, family, and old colleagues for their perspective.
Questions to Ask Others:
- What hobbies or interests do you associate with me?
- What do you think I’m good at?
- What do you think I would enjoy doing for work?
This wasn’t a formal interview – I simply brought it up in conversations. Then, I wrote down their answers in my notebook.
You can do this through casual chats, emails, texts, or even a survey. See my detailed guide on this activity, including more questions here.
Answer these questions yourself and compare them with others’ responses. When I was at my lowest, I felt like I had no skills or interests, but hearing from others helped me see myself in a new light.
Now that you’re remembering pieces of your identity, let’s move on to the next step.
Activity 2: How Far You’ve Come
This activity is much easier! You can do it on your own with a notebook, and there’s no need to be creative – you’re simply looking at your past.
Steps
- Write down your accomplishments, big and small.
- List the challenges you’ve overcome.
- Note the skills you’ve developed.
- Include the things you’re interested in.
Your list could include:
- Running a 5K
- Making crafts or DIY projects
- Raising a child
- Overcoming personal struggles
Work-related achievements can be included, but try to focus on things outside of work too.
If you’re struggling to remember, look through old photos or create a timeline of major life events to jog your memory.
This exercise helped me see that I had a solid foundation to build from.
Knowing where you’ve been doesn’t give you a roadmap for where you’re going.
That’s what the next activity is about.
Activity 3: The New You
The best part of this transition is that you get to redefine yourself! While change can be difficult, it also presents new opportunities.
Part 1: Who Do You Want to Be?
Look at your list of accomplishments and interests. Which ones do you want to carry forward? What’s missing that you’d like to add?
To help, complete this prompt:
“You can be that person who…”
For example:
- …spends more time with friends.
- …tells engaging stories.
- …radiates positivity and kindness.
Think of qualities and behaviors you admire in others and want to develop yourself.
Part 2: Take Action
Now that you have an idea of who you want to be, take action on just one thing.
- Want to spend more time with friends? Message one right now.
- Want to learn piano? Sign up for lessons today.
- Want to be more active? Go for a short walk.
Taking small steps toward the person you want to become will help you rebuild your sense of identity.
Final Thoughts
Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
George Bernard Shaw
As you redefine yourself, make sure your aspirations align with your values. This ensures that your new identity leads to long-term fulfillment. Try the values affirmation activity to discover your values.
If you’re ready to explore more ideas on designing a life you love, join my newsletter!
Watch the full video on YouTube