What if the loudest voice holding you back isn’t someone else’s, but your own?
“Why should anyone listen to you?” “Your writing sounds terrible.” “You’ll never succeed at this.”
These are just a few of the unhelpful thoughts I’ve had this week!
I’m sure you get these too. Everyone does.
But imagine for a second that these voices weren’t there… You can just get on with what you’re doing with no interruptions knocking you down.
Better right?
Now imagine that instead of hearing negative self-talk, you hear your inner cheerleader. “You got this.” “That’s a great idea.” “This is going to be huge.”
This quote comes to mind.
“What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly? – Erin Hanson
So what actionable steps we can use when our inner critic speaks up? And how can we turn it into a cheerleader instead?
Understand its motives
Your inner critic is only trying to keep you safe. It’s trying to protect you from failure because failure will be painful.
It comes from what you’ve learned from your experiences, and your social conditioning from friends, family and culture. Brené Brown explores it in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection.
Realizing that your inner critic means well can help you form a more positive relationship with it.
Listen to how it speaks
The only way you can silence it is if you notice when it’s speaking. So the next time your inner critic speaks up, listen to it. Really listen.
What exactly does it say? Does it speak in absolutes?
“You’ll never be good enough.” “You always fail.”
Whose opinions is it expressing? Where did you learn these things? Are they from society’s expectations or do they sound like something an authority figure might have said to you?
Building this habit of recognizing when your inner critic is speaking and considering about where these thoughts originated will help you take steps to silence it.
Silence it
The next time you hear something negative like, “You will never be good at this.” Try these things.
- Test the statement using evidence-based thinking. Is this true? What is the evidence for and against it?
- Call it by a name to reduce it’s power and add further separation between you and the voice. “Oh, there’s Judgy Judy again.”
- Swap the negative out for a positive. “I’m not good enough.” -> “I’m learning and getting better everyday.”
- Shift your focus to what’s going well, remember what you’re proud of and all your past accomplishments.
- Imagine turning the volume down on its voice and turning up your inner cheerleader voice.
Start cheerleading
Here are three things you can do to build your inner cheerleader.
1 – Positive replies
While positive affirmations can seem a bit woo-woo, when dealing with your inner critic they can help. Write a list or just think of some replies to your inner critic’s favourite phrases.
Here are some of mine:
“This will never work.” -> “I always find ways to make things work.”
“You’re so stupid.” -> “I’m smart and have accomplished lots of things already.”
“I’m rubbish at this.” -> “I’m learning and getting better all the time.”
2 – Practise positive self-talk
Try talking to yourself as though you’re talking to a close friend.
The next time you hear your Judgy Judy speak up, think “That’s not a nice thing to say to a friend.” And follow it up with something that you would say to help a friend out in that moment. Or something that a mentor or role model would say to you.
It sounds a bit silly, but you want the best for yourself. So be kind to yourself – just like a friend would.
3 – Keep a list of achievements
For a little boost whenever you need it, keep a list of your achievements, big or small.
When I worked in corporate, I used to keep an email folder of positive feedback from clients and colleagues. I would look through it on days when I needed a bit of a pep talk. Usually when a project wasn’t going well, but I needed to get into a positive mindset to do some creative work!
Main takeaways
Silencing your inner critic is an ongoing challenge.
You might find that it speaks up louder when you’re tired, sick or stressed. This is when you most need to be protected after all!
Remember that you hold the volume control. Turn it down and let your true self cheer you on instead!