The Harvard Study of Adult Development shows that 3-5 deep and supportive relationships boost our wellbeing and longevity.
What is this activity for?
This activity can help you think about your current levels of support, depth and enjoyment across your closest relationships. It can help you explore strengths and areas for growth.
It’s not about ranking or judging relationships, but gaining awareness of how you experience them.
Note: This is a personal reflection tool meant for self-awareness only. It is not a professional assessment and does not substitute professional advice.
Results should be used for personal insight, not judgment or decision-making about others.
How does it work?
- List 3-6 of your closest friends and family members.
- For each person, think about your relationship with them across 8 aspects of deep and supportive relationships. Give each aspect a value of 1-10.
For ‘Gives or drains energy’, 0 is totally drained, 5 is neutral and 10 is a big energy boost! - Look down the column for each aspect and add up its total. The totals reveal which aspects are strong and which have room for growth when you consider all your closest relationships together.
What do the different aspects mean?
Emotional Support – Can you be vulnerable with this person? Do they listen without judgment?
Reliability – Can you count on them in difficult times? The 3am crisis call, turning up on their doorstep randomly.
Mutual Growth – Do you both encourage each other’s personal growth?
Enjoyment & Ease – Do you genuinely enjoy their company? Does the relationship feel natural, not forced?
Gives or drains energy? – Do you feel energized after hanging out with them? Or exhausted?
Trust & Honesty – Can you share your true thoughts without fear?
Make time for each other – Do you both make time for each other and make an effort?
Share meaningful moments – This could be celebrating successes, or important events like weddings, birthdays or holidays together.
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